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The Boats
~ John 21:1-14 ~
denial has an aftertaste
from which i am always running
to empty tombs and fishing boats
after and before in that order
once again waiting with
this emptiness
your voice calls out
with familiar instruction
and overflowing abundance
but in this moment
i could not care less about
the nets or the food
the boats are not fast enough
i will jump headfirst into waters
once feared just to see you
i will not wait for the wind
i will beat against the tide
and meet you on the shore
where you walk, let me go also
the gaze
love has always been
a call and response a hymn
revised from an ancient temple
a pair of eyes gazing into the eyes of one
gazing back
yet i have gazed into a void
i have sung with no instrumental undercurrent
and without response
but when i rest my eyes on Your body
broken and small still whole and holy
why do i hear a soft melody?
why is there some sigh of relief?
“I have been waiting,” it says. “Within
and without the tabernacle
gazing at you patiently desiring
for you to glance back.”
how like my God i have been
watching for the one who has
only seldom (if ever) looked my way
how unlike my God i have been
forever ceasing
how the heart of my God has broken
as i’ve cried out
where is the one
whom my soul loves?
how the response like a song
has resounded
as He gazes down
here I am
here I am
here I am
LyLena D. Estabine is an award-winning multidisciplinary artist holding a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology from Harvard University, where she converted to Catholicism. Writing on her faith and Catholic social teaching, she regularly publishes short poems on Instagram (@catholicpoems).
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